Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Geezer Chic: The Ultimate Alternative Lifestyle

We oldsters deserve some respect. And I don’t mean because of our wisdom or accumulated good works or the sacrifices we’ve made for our families. No, we deserve respect because of how cool and edgy we are. Think about it. Many of the things that make young people cool, we also have. For example:
  • They mark their bodies. Ours are already marked. With age spots, stretch marks and moles now all converging on my left breast, it’s starting to look like I have a tattoo of a phoenix, or maybe it's a buzzard.
  • They expand their ear holes for large posts. Ours are already expanded. I one time wore both of my earrings in the same hole for an entire day and nobody noticed.
  • They ride around on odd cycles. So do we.
  • They often don’t remember what they did last night. We don’t remember what we did this morning.
  • Pink and purple hair? We’ve got that covered!
  •  They like their music out of the mainstream, as do we. When my mother gave my daughter, Molly, her car when Molly turned 16, there was a tape stuck in the tape player. The tape was polka music. I am not kidding here.
  • They don't make much sense.  Neither do we.
  • They sleep late. We sleep early.
  • They go to vintage stores to buy old clothes. We don’t need to.
  • They’re wired. So are we – to our pacemakers and CPAP machines
  • They imagine a better world. We had it. It ended in 1970.
So, you see, if we can corner the market on cool, we can have the same advantages as young people.  Advantages like getting reservations for dinner at the newest trendy restaurants (as long as they open by five and have doggie bags) and starring in our own reality shows.  However, instead of The Bachelor, ours could be The Widower.  We could bake pies and drop them by his house. 

If I only knew how to bake a pie.


oklhdan said...

Love it! I especially like the idea of a reality show "The Widower". It could incorporate some of my mother's wisdom such women waiting by the family car ready to pounce on the "widower".

cile said...

I never realized how trendy I was! Thank you, Marcia!

Celia said...

Excellent! How could I have missed the connection?

MaryB said...

Love it! It's a perfect example of thinking outside of the box. Now that you point out these observations it's perfectly obvious. Why didn't I see it before?

Friko said...

But the difference is that we don't care and they, poor things, care desperately.

We've done it, seen it all before, and have the scars to prove it.

We recognise the farce life is and if we join in, we do it for our own amusement and not because of peer pressure.

Let's hear it for oldies!

LC said...

I'm with Friko! Hooray for us oldies! Great post and hefty,dose of laughter' great medicine.

Arkansas Patti said...

I really love this post. I am feeling so much better about my self right now:))

MerCyn said...

You made my day. But I don't bake - how about points for still driving at night?

marciamayo said...

MerCyn, you, like I, won't have a chance on The Widower. However, he might like for you to drive him to the pie store some evening after dark.


Hey Geezer Chic -- First time on your blog -- and your latest post is hilarious for this 70 year old. Everything in your post made sense while making me laugh. Thanks -- barbara

schmidleysscribblins.wordpress.com said...

I love the late great Molly Sugdan. I also like purple hair. Dianne

Vagabonde said...

Well said – this should be the elder post of the month.

Freda said...

I want hair like that. Wonderful post that says "so there" to the world!

Nance said...

Sharp! But the good life -- I'm not sure when it arose. Certainly not until the fifties, given the disastrous first half of the century. So, if it arose in the fifties and ended in the seventies, it was damn short and passed so fast that many who lived it missed it altogether. And that's another blog post.

Wisewebwoman said...

The untold lives of geezers.
Gawd who'd want an old widower anyway? He'd expect us to know our places and wash his knickers while we were at it. Not for this geezer!
Oh I miss that show, "Are You Being Served" it was so far ahead of its time!

Olga said...

This was an hilarious post. I am inspired to just let it all hang out today. I think you may have started a new movement. Old gals rock.

Linda Myers said...

They're odd in a different way!

paula devi said...

You're too funny. I'm thinking her fuscia hair color is perfect for my fuscia lipstick. What do you think? Just a one narow stripe. Not too over the top.

Polka music?

Jan Heigh said...

That's right! You mean I have to learn how to bake a pie now? Probably not going to happen. That's what bakeries are for in my world.

Great post,

molly_talbert919 said...

We had to sell the car to get rid of that polka tape!