I have a new boyfriend and his name is Tommy Jr. He’s a younger relative of the Tom I took with me on my Spring Break adventure. My son, Billy, introduced me to Tommy Jr. when he gave me a brand new Tom Tom GPS for Mother’s Day and I must say that I’m pretty excited.
Since I like the notion of a boyfriend better than putting up with the real thing, I think Tommy Jr. may just be what I need at this point in my life. A couple of years ago, my friend, Allison, and I decided to make up some boyfriends we could brag about in social situations. We came up with Lars and Sven, whom we said we met at the Steamhouse Lounge in Midtown Atlanta. They were Scandinavian sportswear salesmen in town for a convention. I don’t know if it was their names or their occupation or our meeting them at a bar prior to our five o’clock early bird dinner, but nobody seemed to believe us.
But I think Tommy is doable (figuratively, not sexually). He already goes with me everywhere, tucked nicely into my glove compartment when I don’t need him. When I do require his assistance, his sweet face and assertive voice get me where I need to go. And at no point, so far, has he told me he doesn’t like my hair or that I could stand to lose a few pounds.
In fact, I’m so enamored with Tommy Jr. I'm wondering if I could unearth my trusty old Singer sewing machine and whip him up a body out of muslin and fiberfill batting, kind of like a rag Tommy Jr., only with his beautiful GPS screen instead of eyes. That way, he could sit in my passenger seat and help me gain access to the HOV lane and maybe I could take him dancing. Remember those life-sized dancing dolls we used to have as kids that had elastic attached to the bottom of their feet so that they stepped where and when we stepped?
Now I'm thinking of other ways a stuffed Tommy Jr. could come in handy. They include:
- dining out. No longer will I have to bring along a book to pretend to read. I can just pretend to have a conversation with my boyfriend, Tommy Jr. instead.
- at a movie. I can tuck his arm around my shoulder during a romantic comedy.
- in a dark alley or on the subway. Everyone would be afraid to bother me.
- at the grocery store. He can push the cart and reach the macaroni and cheese on the top shelf.
- at the gas station. He can hold the pump.
I do have to say that I'm not sure I'll want to sleep with Tommy Jr. I've slept alone since my cat died and I've gotten used to it. Plus, Tommy Jr. isn't real. He's a GPS with a rag-doll body, so that would just be creepy.
18 comments:
Tommy Jr has a sweet face?
I am getting seriously worried about you, Marcia. Do go out occasionally, dear, there must be somebody out there who'll take you by the hand, in a non-threatenig way, and lead you to that twilit sky, where all strange ladies go eventually.
Also, please do explain about elasticated dancing partners. Do they go halves on drinks?
(I bet that's one of those expressions you colonials don't understand)
I remember those elasticized dolls! How awful!
The thing is you might get bored to death with the direction the conversations might take.
Plus these Tommy Jrs have a bad habit of going south when you least expect it.
And getting really, really upset when you go off course.
Control freaks.
Don't say you weren't warned.
XO
WWW
May 26, 2011 11:45 PM
Alas, I used to be attracted to alcoholics. Now, it Global Positioning Systems.
Haven't been able to leave a comment so I will try sneaking in as anonymous. Sure hope Blogger fixes this soon.
Does Tommy Jr. have an older friend for me?
Arkansas Patti
Yes, Marcia. If you are dancing through a dark alley with a cloth doll attached at your feet, everyone will leave you alone--even half-crazed potential muggers.
My thought too Olga!
Marcia, you could cuddle up in bed with him. He would feel like another pillow, although I put my teddy bear in a chair cause he is lumpy.
I like TT's hair best. I think he spent too much time in the sun, but I need a closeup. I found this blog on FB. Don't know why I did not see it earlier. My blogger is misbehaving again I guess.
If you built that doll, that would be the world's most awesomest GPS cozy! He better not steer you wrong or he'll be busted down to MP3. I know people who can do that!
Funny imagery, Marica! Thanks!
I'm late to this wonderful post, drat. I think I saw Lars and Sven in the bar at the Chinese Restaurant here, snicker. Congrats on your GPS. I think you should market your GPS dancing dolly. I think it would be just thing for me to whirl around the living room with to my old Hall and Oates CDs, except for Tommy's incessant "repositioning," "repositioning," at least he doesn't drink or eat either.
If there was were two guys named Lars and Sven, they would definitely be gay.
Ha! I can hear Billy's voice when I read, "and that would just be creepy." I can see by your sense of humor, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. :)
Hey Liv, all of Billy's funniest lines he stole from me.
I've been thinking about getting a Tom of my own. This is your marketing opportunity to create and sell elasticized garments for all such Toms. Future creative opportunities are boundless.
We used a GPS on our trip to Richmond (came with the rented car) Ours was a "she" and we named her Geraldine. I actually felt as if she were scolding us everytime we went astray......She would say "turn left" and then "TURN LEFT"..."recalculating". A very intimidating experience! :)
Dani, the boy ones are better.
I got lost at the point where I tried to work out why a surf board had an electric plug..........
Your Tom, Jr. sounds so nice. We have a Maggie and she gets pretty loud and obnoxious if we don’t follow her orders. I think you still can buy those mannequin types to place in your car. I’d get one in uniform, any uniform – it looks more official. How about a cap on Tom, Jr.?
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