Sunday, March 11, 2012

Grammys Can’t Cry Over Spilt (Poured) Milk

 TV:  The perfect Grammy!

I was excited they were going to stay with me. Their mama, my daughter, was having a birthday and she and her husband hadn’t had an evening off in quite a while. Miles is four and Georgia is two and they are my grandkids and I love them. They can be a handful, but hey, I have three degrees in Early Childhood Education, so what could be the problem?  Plus, it was just for 24 hours. How hard could it be?

We had a nice birthday party for Melissa, cupcakes with sprinkles. So, a few sprinkles landed on the floor. I’m not that clean anyway, plus I was also going to keep Lou, the bulldog, and he was already on KP duty, snorting up the tiny candies with his inverted nose and then sneezing. I did notice that Melissa and Trevor, the celebrating parents, seemed to be a little too eager to leave and they left no forwarding address, only a vague reference as to where they might or might not be if I needed them.

For the first hour or so, everything appeared to be going fine. Miles is just a tad addicted to TV and his mom and dad try to limit his time in front of the screen, but, since Georgia was so busy with so many things, I decided it would be okay for him to have a Disney marathon for a couple of minutes (hours) to comfort him while his parents were away. Georgia and I cooked and read and drew pictures and put her bear, Beary Manilow, to bed several (a ridiculous number of) times, while Miles watched what I was certain (assuming) was educational viewing. At some point, Georgia’s science experiment having to do with pouring her milk from one cup to another got a little out of hand when I saw her conducting it all over my living room floor, but I took care of that by taking it away from her.

The day was chilly and windy, so I thought we would just snuggle at home and have a quiet afternoon watching the Disney marathon and reading several (about 10,000) books. At some point around 23.13 minutes after their parents had left, Georgia was in my lap helping me type on my computer when Miles emerged from his educational (stupefying) reverie with, “Grammy, the TV won’t work.” I put Georgia down and went to the television and saw that, indeed, the screen was black. As an electronics genius, I went into my normal fix-it mode by turning the set off and then back on, sure that all would be well.

It wasn’t. The screen was still black. I checked to make sure everything was plugged in. It was. My next (and last) step was to look at the cable box. I noticed that its little light wasn’t shining, so I turned it over to see if there was a power button. There wasn't. However, what there was was milk pouring out of the slats on the top the cable box.

I'd like to say it got better.  It didn't.  I decided that, without TV and even though it was really, really cold, we might as well go to the park, which would also give Lou the chance to do his business.  

Lou did his business all right, scratching up sweetly-budded blooms just outside my door in the newly planted garden paid for and overseen by our condo association.  Good neighbor that I am, I had my Publix bag with me, along with my keys and my phone and Miles and Georgia and don't forget good old pooping Lou himself.  Because I didn't want to walk them all around to the back of my building to throw the bag of poop away, I decided to take it with me to the park, confident I would find a trash can along the way.

I didn't.  I ended up carrying that bag of poop with me every step of the way to the park, at the park, and home from the park.  "Swing me, Grammy!" Georgia would say and I would swing her, bag of poop in my hand.  "Help me with this, Grammy" Miles would say, and I would help him, bag of poop in my hand. Lou would chase another dog through the park, his leash dragging in the mud.  I would chase him, bag of poop in my hand.

We finally made it back home, cold but maybe a bit tired, Publix bag happily ensconced in one of the trash bins out back.  Being the good Grammy, I made them supper. Miles ate about seven croissants and two boxes of raisins; Georgia ate a leftover bag of bar-be-cued potato chips.  I got them bathed and ready for night-night (thank God), blowing up the blow-up mattress and placing it at the end of my bed, happy to know they would feel safe and loved, near, but not on top of, me.

It didn't work out that way.  Georgia ended up in bed with me, sleeping sideways with her feet in my face.  Miles, at some point, rolled off the blow-up bed and slept on the floor.  Lou, however, enjoyed the squishiness of the air mattress, sleeping in the middle of it all night, his toenails tearing at the plastic casing, snoring loudly enough for my downstairs neighbor to hear him.


The next morning was better as we ate blueberry muffins and two more boxes of raisins and Miles found Nick Jr. on my computer and I brought 700 new books in from my car to read to Georgia.  That's until Miles pulled himself out of his reverie to say, "Grammy, the computer isn't working."

It wasn't.

Before and After

12 comments:

Friko said...

........and a wonderful time was had by all. Some of them even lived happily ever after, particularly once the burden was lifted.

Seriously, I bet you loved it all, in retrospect anyway, and maybe even the less fraught moments while they were happening. Go easy on the milk next time.

LC said...

I so needed this dose of Marcia's view of the world today. I will carry the image of you swinging Georgia, helping Miles, and chasing Lou with your park-going attire uniquely accessorized with the ever distinctive poop bag! Thanks, Doc Mayo!

Olga said...

What a riot! I laughed til I cried because I KNOW you did not make this up.

MerCyn said...

Isn't watching the grandkids a ball!? Now YOU need some R&R, as well as tech support. We are thrilled to have the grandkids visit, and thrilled to see them go home again!

Stephen Hayes said...

And to think I keep imagining that grandkids would be great! In spite of you fun commentary, I still do.

schmidleysscribblins,wordpress.com said...

Oh Gosh, I am sometimes really happy my little munchkins are ages 18-23. Well, except for the ones tht aren't but they live in California. Dianne

Celia said...

It is a peculiar kind of fun, and I for one am glad when mine go home. Then I miss them and get them back again. Ha, ha about the poop bag. Good to have a grandma.

Dianne said...

Love it, Grammy. Those degrees sure come in handy...

cile said...

Ha Ha! I am holding your story close because I have a second Grand on the way...I can already hear the milk spilling. Thank you for the laugh this afternoon, Marcia!

Arkansas Patti said...

Ah, I needed this post and it was so thoughtful of you to allow your TV and computer to be trashed to entertain the younguns and us. What a gal.
Those dogs really can snore can't they?

joared said...

Funny -- even though it was your reality! Just think of what the experience might have been like if you hadn't had all that early child education.

Vagabonde said...

I really laughed reading your post! You certainly had a fun time with your grand kids. It’s scared me a bit though, as for their spring break we are going to help taking care of our grandsons while their parents work – they are 5, 3 and 8 months old….. I am taking tips on cooking from your post!