Monday, December 3, 2012

Loss



 

If ever, in the future, I feel the need to conjure up the embodiment of grief, I’ll have only to think of my sister-in-law’s beautiful face eviscerated by it.

My brother was a saint.  We all knew it as did the five hundred or so people who attended his funeral, many from the international law firm where he worked for close to forty years and served as General Counsel before his retirement a year ago.  A lawyer beloved?  By other lawyers?  Unheard of.

My brother, the saint, left a motley assortment of sinners and merely mortal fools ill equipped to navigate life without him.  Although we promise to do better, to be more like him, we probably won’t.  Nonetheless, his daughters have years ahead of them, a new job and a wedding in their near future.  I have my home and my interests and my family.  His wife, his cherished companion, will adjust and adapt to a very different life on her own.

One morning, while I was in Bethesda for the funeral, I took a long walk in the midst of some gorgeous Maryland countryside.  At one point, I came upon a small herd of deer.  I stopped; they stopped.  I looked at them and they looked at me.  It occurred to me that we were fellow dwellers in a world my brother no longer inhabits.

A tear caressed my cheek and the deer moved on.

23 comments:

Birdie said...

Grief. We never move on as we have been told. It is with us forever, some days worse than others. It is unfathomable at times to live in a world where are loved ones aren't.

marciamayo said...

Thanks, Birdie.

Anonymous said...

So beautifully expressed, Marcia, and so you (who else could it be?) - genuine, matter-of-fact, heartfelt! As saintly as your brother was, all any of us can promise to be is
the very best of who we are, unique and unlike any other! --Holland

marciamayo said...

So true, Holland. And you should know, you one-of-a-kind guy. Thanks, OLD friend.

Jean said...

Love this simple, powerful post, Marcia. Your brother must have been a wonderful gentleman.

marciamayo said...

Jean, I first published it with General Counsel spelled council. I thought of you and panicked until I could get it corrected.

Nancy said...

Beautifully written eulogy. It is so very hard to lose one you love --thankfully memories live on in our hearts.
Nancy

Linda Myers said...

Lovely remembrance of your brother. So sorry for your loss.

Friko said...

I am sorry you lost your brother., Marcia. Saint or Sinner, when someone, whom we dearly love, leaves us, they leave a gigantic hole.

Your hearts will mend; while you remember him he will live with you.

Arkansas Patti said...

I am so very sorry for your loss Marcia of such a special man. We accept we will lose our parents, we just do not think we will lose our siblings. May your pain be eased by all the lovely memories.

Celia said...

Sorry to hear of your loss Marcia. He must have left you all with some great memories.

schmidleysscribblins,wordpress.com said...

So sad Marcia. Sorry to hear about your loss. I don't know where my brother is or if he is alive or dead. how fortunate for you and his daughters your brother lead a good life. I love the photo. Dianne

Jean said...

You know what, Marcia? I absolutely would not have noticed the misspelling. Honest.

Dianne said...

Even though I never met Sandy, I always knew he was a wonderful person. I know Ma and your father were so proud of both of you. He will be missed by many.

molly_talbert919 said...

This is just beautiful. I've read it many times. By the way, you aren't too bad of a mama.

Barabbas said...

Marcia,
I am pained for your loss. I think I know most than most what Sandy meant to you. PM follows when I can get my thoughts together.
Jerry

Brighid said...

It is so hard to have those we love leave us...may your great memories bring you comfort...

Olga said...

How very sad. I am so sorry for your loss, your family's loss. Your tribute was so tender and loving.

FOLKWAYS NOTEBOOK said...

Birdie's words echo mine -- barbara

Kate said...

What a beautiful post, Marcia. I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know, yet, how one copes with the loss of a treasured sibling. Your love for Sandy is clear. May you find comfort in the memories of him one day soon.

Vagabonde said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. Taking leave of a loved one is very difficult – it’s like losing a bit of yourself. You post was so sweet and sad.

Wisewebwoman said...

I am so so sorry to hear this Marcia, how truly heartbreaking for his loved ones.

My thoughts are with you.

XO
WWW

Terra said...

How sad the world and your family lost such a saintly man. I think the angels in heaven are rejoicing to see him though.